5 Love Languages Explained: Find Yours & Improve Relationships
LIFESTYLE – I consider myself lucky to have had several romantic relationships in my life, and in all of them, I did my absolute best to show my love and affection. I thought I was doing everything right, that my ex-girlfriends would see and understand me. I sent long, heartfelt messages and even took the time to write love letters from the heart, telling my partner how much they meant to me. I thought my words of love would make them feel special, but I didn’t get the response I was hoping for. I couldn’t understand why. Should I try even harder? Was I not good enough? Until that point, I didn’t even know about love languages.
Esther Perel (psychotherapist and relationship expert)The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships. Learning how to express love in a way that resonates with others is a game-changer.”
One of the biggest ways I express love is through physical touch. I love to cuddle and be close to my partner, that’s my most natural way of showing affection. But one of my ex-girlfriends was the complete opposite. She liked to keep some distance and didn’t always want to be physically affectionate. She told me she felt disconnected, even though I was constantly expressing my love. I couldn’t understand it, “how could someone feel unloved when I was giving them love every single day?”
Are You Speaking the Same Love Language?
Now I know, we were speaking completely different languages. This was the missing piece in the core of my previous romantic relationships. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible to have a relationship with someone who has a different primary love language, but it does make things much easier when you speak the same one.
Dr. Terri Orbuch (psychologist and relationship researcher)“Knowing your partner’s love language is like knowing the secret code to their heart. It turns ordinary moments into meaningful connections.”
Communication is key in healthy relationships, love languages are a form of communication. When I started learning more about the concept, everything began to make sense. I realized I had been loving my partner the way I wanted to be loved, through words of affirmation and physical touch. but their love language was something entirely different.
That realization was a big eye-opener. It helped me not only understand my past relationships better but also recognize what I truly need in a partner, and that is someone who understands and speaks my love language. Because love isn’t just about what you give, it’s about how the other person receives it.
Love Languages Are Everywhere Around You
That’s when I started seeing love languages everywhere. I noticed how my mom’s love language was acts of service, always cooking a warm meal to show she cared. My best friend’s was physical touch, always greeting me with a big hug. My dad? Definitely receiving gifts, as he would light up whenever someone brought him a thoughtful surprise.
Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. You can pour your heart into a relationship, but if you’re not speaking your partner’s love language, they might not feel loved the way you intend. That’s because the way we express love isn’t always the way others naturally feel it. And when that mismatch happens, relationships can suffer.
Dr. Scott Stanley (researcher in marriage and family studies)“Love languages help us move from ‘I love you’ to ‘I love you in the way you most need.’”
Why Is It Good to Know Your Love Language and of Others?
Understanding love languages helps in every type of relationship: romantic, friendships, family and even at work.
Here’s why it’s so valuable:
- Better Communication
When you know how someone prefers to receive love, you can express it in a way that truly resonates. - Avoid Misunderstandings
You might think you’re showing love, but if it’s not in their language, they might not recognize it. - Stronger Bonds
Feeling genuinely loved strengthens trust, emotional intimacy and connection. - Less Frustration in Relationships
Knowing that your partner values acts of service more than gifts, for example, can prevent disappointment on both sides. - Personal Growth
Self-awareness about how you give and receive love can help you communicate your needs more effectively.
Dr. Sue Johnson (founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy)"Love is a skill, not just an emotion. The better we understand it, the better we can nurture our relationships."
Answer The Question: What’s Your Love Language?
Before we dive into the five love languages, answer this question to get an idea of what yours might be:
Question: What makes you feel most appreciated in a relationship?
A) Hearing “I love you” or “I appreciate you” (Words of Affirmation)
B) When my partner helps me with something (Acts of Service)
C) Getting a thoughtful gift (Receiving Gifts)
D) Spending quality time together (Quality Time)
E) Holding hands, hugging, or cuddling (Physical Touch)
F) Creating memories together (Shared Experiences)
I also realize that you can have multiple love languages, but one is usually more dominant and can be considered your primary one. What’s yours? Keep track of your answer!
Dr. Gary Chapman (author of The 5 Love Languages)"Love is not about how much you give; it's about giving in a way that truly fills the heart of the one you love."
The 5 Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
People who value Words of Affirmation feel most loved when they receive verbal expressions of appreciation and encouragement.
Examples
- Hearing “I love you” regularly
- Compliments like “You look amazing today!”
- Encouraging words, such as “I believe in you.”
If this is your love language, words hold a lot of emotional weight for you.
Dr. John Gottman (researcher relationship stability and divorce prediction)“A single kind word can change someone’s entire day—or even their life.”
Question Check-In: If you picked A, Words of Affirmation may be your primary love language.
2. Acts of Service
For some, actions speak louder than words. Acts of Service is about showing love through helpful actions.
Examples:
- Making them breakfast
- Helping with chores without being asked
- Running an errand for them
This love language is all about making life easier for the person you love.
Dr. Sue Johnson (founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy)"Love is about the small, everyday gestures that say, ‘I’m thinking of you.’"
Question Check-In: If you picked B, Acts of Service may be your love language.
3. Receiving Gifts
Receiving Gifts is often misunderstood as materialistic, but in reality, it’s about thoughtfulness and effort.
Examples:
- A small surprise gift
- A handwritten letter
- Bringing home their favorite snack
It’s not about how expensive a gift is, but the meaning behind it.
Dr. Gary Chapman (author of The 5 Love Languages)"A meaningful gift can act as a symbol of love and appreciation."
Question Check-In: If you picked C, Receiving Gifts may be your love language.
4. Quality Time
If your love language is Quality Time, you feel most loved when you receive undivided attention.
Examples:
- Deep conversations
- Date nights without distractions
- Doing an activity together
Dr. Brené Brown"Presence is the greatest present you can give someone."
Question Check-In: If you picked D, Quality Time may be your love language.
5. Physical Touch
Some people feel love through physical closeness. I love to cuddle, hug, and show affection to my partner!
Examples:
- Holding hands
- Hugs and cuddles
- A pat on the back
Dr. Helen Fisher (leading experts on love, attraction and the neuroscience of relationships)"Touch releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, strengthening relationships."
Question Check-In: If you picked E, Physical Touch may be your love language.
The 6th Love Language: Shared Experiences
Some researchers argue that there’s a sixth love language: Shared Experiences. This means bonding through new activities, adventures or challenges.
Examples:
- Traveling together
- Learning a new skill as a couple
- Trying new experiences
Esther Perel (psychotherapist and relationship expert)"Shared experiences create lasting emotional anchors in relationships."
Question Check-In: If you picked F, Shared Experiences may be your love language.
FAQ: About Love Languages
1. Can I have more than one love language?
Yes! Most people have a primary and secondary love language.
2. Can love languages change over time?
Absolutely! As life circumstances change, so do emotional needs.
3. What if my partner has a different love language?
The key is learning to express love in the way your partner understands best.
4. Is there a love language for introverts vs. extroverts?
While love languages aren’t personality-based, introverts may prefer Quality Time in small settings, while extroverts might enjoy Shared Experiences.
5. How can I figure out my partner’s love language?
Observe how they express love to you and others—this often reflects their own love language.
Dr. Laura Berman (relationship therapist and author)“Understanding love languages is not about changing who you are—it’s about expanding how you show love so that it lands where it matters.”
6. Do love languages apply to friendships?
Yes! Love languages help strengthen friendships and family bonds.
7. Can you “speak” a love language you don’t naturally have?
With effort and awareness, yes! Relationships thrive on compromise and understanding.
8. Is one love language more important than the others?
No, all love languages are valid. The goal is to recognize what makes each person feel valued.
9. How can I communicate my love language to my partner?
Have an open discussion and share specific examples of what makes you feel loved.
10. What if my partner isn’t receptive to love languages?
Start small. Lead by example and communicate why it matters to you.
Final Thoughts on Love Languages: Love Is About Giving It the Right Way
You can give love with all your heart, but if you’re not speaking the right love language, the other person may not feel it at all. I used to think love was just about effort; showing up, being kind, saying “I love you.” And while those things do matter, I realized that love is more like a puzzle. If you’re missing the right piece, the picture doesn’t come together.
How many times have you felt unappreciated or unseen in a relationship, despite someone trying to show love? How often have you given love in the way that felt right to you, only to have it go unnoticed? That’s where love languages come in.
When you understand your love language and that of the people around you:
- Your relationships feel more connected and fulfilling.
- You avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
- You communicate in a way that makes love truly felt.
Dr. Sue Johnson, clinical psychologist and founder of Emotionally Focused TherapyMiscommunication in love isn’t about saying the wrong thing—it’s about speaking in a way the other person doesn’t understand emotionally.”
I’ve seen it happen in my own life. Once I found a partner who speaks the same love language as me, it all become so much easier and everything fell into place. The same happened with my family and friends. Simply recognizing how they receive love made all the difference.
You can start using love languages today. Learn your own love language and observe the people around you. How do you and those around you naturally show love? Make small adjustments in the way you express love, and see how it affects your relationships. Because at the end of the day, love isn’t just about how much you give. It’s about giving in a way that makes the other person feel truly loved.
Love is all you need.
