Drivers in Transactional Analysis: 5 Key Drivers Explained
THERAPY – Drivers, as defined in Transactional Analysis (TA), are internalized forces that stem from early life experiences. These aren’t just random tendencies, they are deeply ingrained beliefs about what you must do to gain love, acceptance or validation. These drivers become so familiar and automatic that we rarely question them, but they hold immense power in shaping how we behave, think and interact with the world. Growing up, we absorb messages from parents, teachers, caregivers and other influential figures in our lives. The expectations, praises and sometimes even criticisms we receive from them shapes how we view ourselves and our worth.
As I reflect on myself, I recognize how certain patterns in my behaviour, seemingly out of my control, shaped much of my life: sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Growing up, I didn’t always realize that some of the things I was doing weren’t just “normal” reactions, they were driven by deeply ingrained beliefs, messages and rules I had unknowingly adopted. These behaviours, known as drivers, have a way of influencing us in ways we don’t always recognize until we stop and take a closer look.
William James"The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude."
Over time, these messages solidify into unconscious “rules” that guide our behaviours, and these rules can become the lens through which we experience life. I’ve personally found that recognizing these unconscious drivers has been a crucial step in my own personal growth. Making the unconscious conscious, the first crucial step for change and growth. Whether it was the need to constantly seek approval or the expectation of perfectionism, understanding why I did what I did was the first step to regaining control.
When you receive praise only for doing things perfectly, it’s easy to develop the “Be Perfect” driver, believing that only perfection brings validation.
Or, if vulnerability was viewed as a weakness in your environment, you might have internalized the “Be Strong” driver, believing that emotional strength means never showing weakness. Both of these drivers, like many others, work quietly in the background, pushing us to behave in ways that are not always in alignment with our true selves.
In this article, we’ll explore the nature of the 5 most common drivers, how they operate and how understanding them can get you to new levels of self-awareness and personal growth. You’ll be better equipped to identify the drivers that are shaping your life so you can start breaking free from their unconscious control.
Aristotle"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
A Closer Look at the 5 Drivers
While every person is unique, Taibi Kahler identified five common drivers that influence behaviour. Let’s take a closer look at each!
Driver 1. Be Perfect
This driver pushes you to achieve flawlessness in everything you do. While it can lead to high standards and success, it often creates anxiety, fear of failure and procrastination.
Signs You Have This Driver
• You feel paralyzed by the idea of making mistakes.
• You find yourself obsessively reviewing or revising work.
• You equate your worth with your achievements.
Vince Lombardi"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence."
Driver 2. Please Others
This driver motivates you to prioritize others’ needs, often at the expense of your own. While it fosters kindness and empathy, it can also lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of personal boundaries.
Signs You Have This Driver
• You struggle to say no, even when overwhelmed.
• You seek external validation to feel valued.
• You feel guilty when putting yourself first.
Joel Osteen"You cannot please everyone, and you cannot make everyone like you."
Driver 3. Try Hard
The “Try Hard” driver pushes you to exert effort, even when the goal is unclear or unnecessary. While it fosters persistence, it can lead to inefficiency and exhaustion.
Signs You Have This Driver
• You focus on effort over results.
• You take on too many challenges at once.
• You feel like you’re always “busy” but rarely accomplished.
Robert Collier"Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out."
Driver 4. Be Strong
This driver encourages emotional suppression and self-reliance. While it promotes resilience, it can also prevent you from seeking help or expressing vulnerability.
Signs You Have This Driver
• You avoid discussing emotions, even with close friends.
• You feel weak or ashamed when asking for support.
• You’re often seen as “the strong one” in your relationships.
Rikki Rogers"Strength does not come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't."
Driver 5. Hurry Up
The “Hurry Up” driver pushes you to work quickly and efficiently, but it often leaves you feeling rushed and under constant time pressure.
Signs You Have This Driver
• You frequently multitask, even when unnecessary.
• You feel uncomfortable with downtime or relaxation.
• You have difficulty enjoying the present moment.
Lao Tzu"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."
Where Do Drivers Come From?
Drivers are born out of the environments and experiences of our childhood. When caregivers express conditional love or approval, children internalize the idea that they must behave in certain ways to feel accepted. Over time, these behaviours become automatic responses, often carried into adulthood.
For example, a child who hears “You must always try your best” might internalize the “Try Hard” driver, interpreting effort as a measure of their worth. Similarly, a child who is told “Big kids don’t cry” may suppress their emotions, adopting the “Be Strong” driver.
Frederick Douglass"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
How Drivers Impact Your Life
Drivers can have both positive and negative effects. On one hand, they can motivate you to achieve goals, maintain high standards, or be compassionate. On the other hand, they can also lead to stress, unrealistic expectations and strained relationships.
Some examples
• A person with a strong “Be Perfect” driver may excel at work but struggle with impostor syndrome.
• Someone with the “Please Others” driver may have fulfilling friendships but neglect their own needs.
• The “Hurry Up” driver may help you meet deadlines but cause chronic stress.
Eckhart Tolle"Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.’"
Balancing Your Drivers
Recognizing your dominant driver is the first step to achieving balance. Once you’ve identified it, here are some strategies to help:
1. Practice Self-Awareness
Notice when your driver is influencing your actions. Journaling or mindfulness exercises can help you observe patterns without judgment.
Eckhart Tolle"Awareness is the greatest agent for change."
2. Challenge Your Beliefs
Ask yourself if the belief behind your driver is still serving you. For example, does being perfect really make you more lovable?
Buddha"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
3. Set Boundaries
If you’re driven to “Please Others,” practice saying no. Remember, boundaries are a form of self-respect.
Brené Brown"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."
4. Seek Support
Therapies like Transactional Analysis, CBT, or coaching can help you reframe drivers and develop healthier patterns.
Charlie Mackesy"Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up."
Drivers and Personal Growth
Understanding your drivers is more than just self-awareness, it’s crucial to personal growth. By working with your drivers, you can change unconscious habits into intentional actions that align with your values.
Plutarch"What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality."
Drivers in Transactional Analysis provide valuable insights into why we do what we do. While these internalized messages shape much of our behaviour, they don’t have to define us. By identifying, understanding, and balancing your drivers, you can take control of your life and create a more fulfilling, authentic path forward.
FAQs
1. Can I have more than one driver?
Yes, most people exhibit multiple drivers, but one or two tend to dominate in specific situations.
2. Can drivers change over time?
With self-awareness and effort, you can soften rigid drivers and replace them with healthier, more flexible patterns.
3. Is having a driver a bad thing?
Not necessarily. Drivers can motivate positive behaviours, but they should be balanced to avoid stress and negative outcomes.
