How to Make Friends as an Adult: Battle Against Loneliness
LIFESTYLE – It is in human nature to connect and socialize, it is a fundamental need in the core of our being. I believe that it is not about quantity of Friends but quality of friendships. This brings me to one of the biggest struggles I’m experiencing in my adult life at the moment: building and maintaining deep, meaningful connections.
Nothing stays the same forever, and this definitely applies to friendships and all the relationships we have. Everyone is developing, changing and moving all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I consider that a good thing. Change is inevitably embedded in our lives and is part of evolution. “The only thing that is certain is uncertainty”, read that again 😉 With constant change happening within all of us, our needs also change. You develop different needs in the connections you want to have than you did in the past.
C.S. Lewis"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'"
You change, Expectations change
You might have experienced it yourself, the desire to have and feel a deeper connection with your Friends. And exactly here I bump into a problem because these “Old Friends” cannot always meet and fulfill the new expectations and needs. And that is absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with my Friends. They are okay and I am okay, but this also means I need to enrich my life with new connections.
Finding new Friends… Help! How do I do this!? In this article, I will share more about my personal journey. In addition to this, I will provide you with some intentional strategies for building those deep and soul-satisfying connections that most of us crave as adults.
Woodrow Wilson"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."
Better You, Better Relationships: Do the Inner Work First
Work on the relationship with yourself before connecting with others. This is the most important relationship in your life, so better take good care of it. I also believe, that I cannot fill a gap or something lacking within myself, with an external source. New Friends are not the answer to that, it should be a consequence of my healing journey and with that a healthy level of self-love.
Before starting your quest of finding new Friends, it’s crucial to first understand yourself and identify what is truly important to you. Knowing your values, interests, and the type of connections you seek provides a solid foundation for the friend-seeking process. This self-awareness not only helps in narrowing down the qualities you appreciate in others but also acts as a guide for attracting friends who align with your personality and aspirations. Like a magnet, the authenticity of your self-awareness will draw like-minded people into your social life, having connections that are not only meaningful but also built on a genuine understanding of yourself and your needs. So, take the time to explore your own preferences and priorities, it’s the key to find friendships that resonate with your authentic self.
Thomas Moore"While it is true that many people simply endure their lives, it is also true that inner work and the deepening of personal friendships can be the keys to a life of fulfillment and meaning."
The Art of Finding Meaningful Friends
Making new Friends sounds much easier than it is in reality, at least in my perception. I guess I overcomplicate things here. But, on the flip side of that, the new connections must also be deep and meaningful, they must add value to my life. So, I set the bar pretty high, and this makes it much harder. Still, I am confident in my belief that it is realistic because I cannot be the only one who is looking for these things. I also realize that work needs to be put in. It doesn’t come by itself, like everything that is worthwhile in life.
It almost feels like dating, but then with new potential friends: you could call it “The Art of Finding Meaningful Friendships.” Thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, it seemed to be much easier to make new (superficial) friendships. Finding new Friends as an adult is much more challenging. It feels a bit like searching for hidden treasures. But fear not, with the right intentional strategy and some courage, you will transform your social landscape and enrich it with new quality friendships in no time.
Charles Caleb Colton"True friendship is like sound health: the value of it is seldom known until it is lost."
Be the Director of Your Own Life, Choose your Friends wisely
You are the director of your life. You decide how it will look, including your social life. You choose how to design it. Rather than leaving it to chance, take Ownership and Responsibility. Take the lead, give it attention and put energy in it and be that director. It is never too late to start intentionally designing your life and making it a Masterpiece, including deep meaningful friendships. Here you will find some suggestions I figured out myself that could help you get started.
Identifying Potential Friends
Let’s go back to your childhood again: think back about those days when you effortlessly made friends on the playground. Adulthood might not have swings, but it does have opportunities for connection. Start by observing the people around you. Who shares your interests? Who sparks your curiosity? Activate your inner detective and identify potential friends who align with your values and passions. Maybe it is that one colleague, your neighbour or that friendly guy in the gym? They are out there, but you have to search for them to identify them.
Booker T. Washington"Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company."
Creating Shared Experiences with Friends
Friendship thrives on shared experiences. To give you some inspiration, you could think about trying a new hobby, going on a weekend trip, visit a concert, a sports event or attending a special event in town. The possibilities and options are endless, use your imagination and creativity to find those activities that align with who you are. As long as you create opportunities for shared memories. The related inside jokes about these memories will become the currency of your newly found deep connection. Embrace new experiences with excitement and curiousity, be open for them because you might meet your new best friend.
Porter Gale"Your network is your net worth."
Nurturing Relationships Over Time: Patience is a Crucial
Instant connections are thrilling, but meaningful friendships take time to bloom. Be patience and let relationships unfold organically. You can’t force or rush things; otherwise, it will lose its authenticity, and it might feel artificial. Water the seeds of connection with genuine interest, shared moments and kindness. Show your values and where you are standing for to stay close to yourself. I believe that values like trust, reliability, honesty and respect are essential in having any kind of healthy relationship. Embrace them and make them part of your identity.
Ralph Waldo Emerson"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
Social Media Friends vs Real Friends
In the era of Social Media, our friend lists can become almost endless. However, this digital representation does not necessarily reflect the depth of genuine connections. The number of online friends does not say anything about the quality of real-life friendships. It’s essential to distinguish between Social Media Friends and those who share meaningful connections in the physical world. Prioritize quality over quantity. Invest your time and energy in people who uplift, inspire and bring genuine joy to your life.
While Social Media provides a platform for connecting with a broad audience, it’s crucial to recognize the difference between online interactions and the richness of real life relationships. Building deep and real connections requires more than digital interactions. It involves shared experiences, heartfelt conversations and a sense of presence that goes beyond the digital world. While Social Media can serve as a tool for maintaining connections, true friendships is about investing in precious moments that contribute to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Baltasar Gracián"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."
Reflection on My Own Social Life
As I reflect on my own journey, I can’t help but be grateful for the intentional steps I’ve taken to design my friendships. Nevertheless, it’s still not easy to step up and be brave enough to reach out to new people. I’m not sure if I would call it social anxiety, but I recognize some traits of that in myself. It feels a bit silly to approach and talk to a stranger. While I consider myself socially strong and confident, it remains an act outside my comfort zone. I’ve tried it a few times, and of course, it’s not awkward or scary at all. In fact the anxiety or hesitation is all in my own mind, as result of limiting beliefs I have about actions and situations like this. It’s a matter of getting into the right Mindset and energy and going for it.
Each intentional choice has resulted in, at the very least a nice and interesting conversation at the initial contact. Who knows what the next step will be? Maybe this “stranger” will become my best friend for life. I aim to be an example for others by stepping up and giving it a shot. Let’s approach friendship with the intention of adding something new and interesting to each other’s lives. In return, allow others to colour your world with their unique personalities. Embrace your creative power and use it to design your friendships and Social Life. Friendships are an ongoing Masterpiece. Most people are nice and friendly, you know 😉. It’s worth getting to know most of them on a deeper level. You dare to go for it?