Symbiosis in Relationships: What It Is & How to Deal With It
THERAPY – Have you ever been in a relationship where you and your partner almost felt like one person? Where you started saying more “we” instead of “I“. Your partner’s moods dictated your emotions, his or her happiness became your responsibility and the thought of being apart made you feel uneasy or even panicked? This intense emotional bond might feel like love, but it could actually be symbiosis at play.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon (clinical psychologist & author)“A healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals who choose to be together, not two halves trying to complete each other.”
Symbiosis in relationships happens when two people become so deeply intertwined that their sense of self starts to fade. They begin to function as one, making decisions, regulating emotions and even defining their identities through each other. While this may sound romantic, especially in the early stages of love, it can quickly become unhealthy and restrictive if it leads to emotional dependence and the loss of individuality.
Think about it this way: healthy relationships are like two trees growing side by side. Their roots may intertwine, and they may lean on each other for support, but they remain separate beings, capable of standing on their own. In contrast, an unhealthy symbiotic relationship is more like two vines tangled together so tightly that they can no longer distinguish where one ends and the other begins. If one withers, the other may collapse.
Dr. Terrence Real (couples therapist)“Love should be about connection, not consumption. When we lose ourselves in another person, we don’t truly love them, we merge with them.”
Beyond Romance: How Symbiosis Affects All Relationships
Symbiosis doesn’t just affect romantic relationships. It can also emerge in parent-child relationships, friendships and even professional dynamics. Have you ever had a friend who couldn’t make a decision without your input? Or a parent who still treats you like a child, even though you’re an adult? These could be signs of symbiosis manifesting in different forms.
How do you know if your relationship is symbiotic? Is it always a bad thing? Can it be prevented or repaired? And most importantly, how do you maintain deep emotional bonds without losing yourself or the connection with the other?
We explain it for you. In this article, we’ll dive into:
- The psychology behind symbiosis and why it happens.
- The key differences between healthy and unhealthy symbiosis.
- How attachment styles influence symbiotic tendencies.
- Signs that you or your partner might be overly dependent.
- Therapeutic approaches to regain individuality without sacrificing love.
Dr. Lisa Firestone (clinical psychologist)“Emotional dependence often disguises itself as deep love, but love should empower, not imprison.”
You’ll have a clear understanding of whether your relationship is based on a healthy interdependence or unhealthy entanglement. Keep reading and you know exactly what you can do to create a more balanced, fulfilling connection. Better you, better relationships, and vice versa!
The Roots of Symbiosis: Borrowed from Nature
The term symbiosis originates from biology, where it describes a close and long-term interaction between two different organisms. In nature, symbiosis can take many forms: mutualism (where both organisms benefit, like bees and flowers), commensalism (where one benefits without harming the other) and parasitism (where one benefits at the other’s expense).
Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab (therapist & relationship expert)“Boundaries are not barriers; they are the framework that allows intimacy to flourish without suffocation.”
In human relationships, psychological symbiosis mirrors these biological interactions. Healthy relationships resemble mutualism, where both partners support each other while remaining independent. Unhealthy relationships, however, can resemble parasitism. This is where one person becomes emotionally or psychologically dependent on the other, sometimes at the cost of personal well-being.
For Example
in nature, clownfish and sea anemones form a balanced mutualistic relationship, each benefits from the other’s presence without losing their own function. In contrast, a mistletoe plant feeding off a tree represents parasitism, as the mistletoe slowly drains the tree’s nutrients, weakening its ability to grow.
This is similar in human relationships:
- Healthy symbiosis means two people support each other emotionally while still maintaining their own identities.
- Unhealthy symbiosis occurs when one or both partners lose their sense of self, making decisions based on the other’s emotions, needs or desires rather than their own.
Understanding symbiosis through this biological lens helps illustrate why balance is crucial. Too much fusion can become suffocating, while too little connection may lead to emotional detachment.
What Is Symbiosis in Relationships?
Symbiosis is a biological term that describes a mutually dependent relationship between two organisms. In psychology, it refers to a deep emotional and psychological fusion between two people. This is often seen in romantic relationships, family dynamics and even friendships.
Dr. John Gottman (Relationship Expert)“The key to a healthy relationship is interdependence, not dependence. Love should be a partnership, not a merging of identities.”
So, symbiosis is most commonly observed in romantic relationships, but it can also happen in parent-child dynamics, friendships and even professional relationships. While a degree of emotional closeness is natural and even beneficial, excessive symbiosis can lead to over-dependence, loss of self-identity and difficulties in personal growth.
The key to understanding symbiosis in relationships is recognizing the difference between healthy interdependence and unhealthy entanglement. A strong relationship allows both partners to rely on each other for support while maintaining their individuality. An unhealthy symbiotic relationship creates emotional fusion, where one person’s thoughts, feelings and decisions become dictated by the other. Of course there are different gradations possible here.
Dr. Diane Poole Heller (attachment expert)“Symbiosis in relationships often stems from childhood attachment wounds. Healing these wounds allows us to love freely, rather than out of fear.”
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Symbiosis in Relationships
Symbiosis in relationships isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s a necessary stage in early romance when partners bond deeply. However, the problem arises when the relationship becomes so fused that individuality disappears. The key is awareness and maintaining a healthy balance between intimacy and independence. It’s also important to recognize that symbiosis exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy interdependence to complete emotional fusion, with many nuances and variations in between.
Signs of Healthy Symbiosis
✅ Emotional closeness without losing independence.
✅ A sense of security while maintaining personal interests.
✅ Supporting each other without excessive control.
✅ Mutual respect for each other’s boundaries.
Dr. Esther Perel (psychotherapist)“A strong relationship is built on two strong individuals. When you become too dependent on your partner for happiness, you risk losing yourself.”
Signs of Unhealthy Symbiosis
❌ Feeling incomplete or anxious without the partner’s presence.
❌ Sacrificing personal dreams, goals or friendships to maintain the relationship.
❌ Fear of conflict because it threatens emotional security.
❌ An inability to make independent decisions.
❌ Experiencing emotional distress when apart.
The Role of Attachment Styles
Attachment theory explains how early childhood experiences shape the way we relate to others in adulthood. Symbiotic tendencies are often linked to certain attachment styles:
1. Anxious Attachment (Most Prone to Symbiosis)
• Craves emotional closeness and fears abandonment.
• Tends to be overly dependent on a partner for reassurance.
2. Avoidant Attachment (Least Likely to Engage in Symbiosis)
• Fears intimacy and values independence, often resisting deep emotional bonds.
3. Secure Attachment (Balanced Approach)
• Can form close bonds without losing independence, allowing for healthy interdependence.
Dr. Sue Johnson (founder of emotionally focused therapy)“Our attachment style is like a blueprint for how we engage in relationships. The key to healthy love is balancing connection with autonomy.”
How to Break Unhealthy Symbiosis?
Recognizing unhealthy symbiosis is the first step, but breaking free from it requires conscious effort and the right therapeutic approach. Healing doesn’t mean distancing yourself from your partner, it means creating a relationship where both people thrive independently while staying emotionally connected. Various therapeutic methods can help restore balance and rebuild a strong sense of self within the relationship. Here are some of the most effective approaches:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
Helps individuals recognize thought patterns that contribute to emotional dependence.
2. Attachment-Based Therapy:
Explores childhood experiences to heal relational insecurities.
3. Individual Therapy:
Encourages self-exploration and identity building outside of the relationship.
4. Couples Therapy:
Helps partners establish healthy boundaries and mutual respect.
Dr. Gabor Maté (trauma expert)“Healing from unhealthy symbiosis requires self-awareness and the courage to reclaim your individuality.”
Can Every Relationship Experience This?
Yes, to some extent, every relationship experiences phases of symbiosis. So it is perfectly normal and something that everyone will have to deal with in their relationships. Especially in the early stages of love. However, not every relationship becomes trapped in an unhealthy symbiotic cycle. This is the point, where intervention is needed.
How to Prevent Unhealthy Symbiosis:
🛑 Develop a strong sense of self before entering a relationship.
🛑 Establish clear boundaries from the beginning.
🛑 Maintain personal interests and friendships.
🛑 Communicate openly about emotional needs and expectations.
🛑 Work on self-love and self-validation.
Dr. Harriet Lerner (clinical psychologist)“A relationship should enhance your life, not become your entire life.”
FAQs: Symbiosis in Relationships
1. What is symbiosis in relationships?
Symbiosis in relationships refers to an intense emotional bond where individuals become highly dependent on each other for validation, decision-making and emotional stability.
2. Is symbiosis in relationships bad?
It depends. Some level of symbiosis is natural and healthy, but excessive dependence can lead to toxic enmeshment and loss of identity.
3. Can symbiosis be prevented?
Yes, by maintaining healthy boundaries, personal independence and self-awareness, you can prevent unhealthy relational dependence.
4. What are the dangers of symbiotic relationships?
Unhealthy symbiosis can lead to low self-esteem, emotional exhaustion, fear of abandonment and an inability to function independently.
5. Can therapy help break unhealthy symbiosis?
Yes, CBT, attachment therapy, and couples counseling are effective ways to break free from toxic dependence.
Dr. Esther Perel (psychotherapist & relationship expert)“When ‘we’ replaces ‘I’ entirely, the relationship stops being a partnership and becomes an emotional entanglement.”
More FAQs
6. Does every couple experience symbiosis?
Most couples experience some level of symbiosis, but healthy relationships balance dependence with autonomy.
7. What is the difference between symbiosis and codependency?
Symbiosis refers to deep mutual dependence, while codependency often involves one partner enabling unhealthy behaviors in the other.
8. How can I tell if my relationship is too symbiotic?
If you feel anxious without your partner, struggle to make independent decisions, or lose your sense of self, your relationship may be too symbiotic.
9. Can a symbiotic relationship be repaired?
Yes, with self-awareness, boundary-setting and therapy, couples can transition from unhealthy symbiosis to healthy interdependence.
10. What is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship?
By practicing self-love, open communication, independence and mutual respect, you can build a strong, balanced relationship.
Dr. Melody Beattie (author of Codependent No More)“Codependency and symbiosis are different, but they share a common theme: a lack of self-definition outside of the relationship.”
Final Words: Finding Balance, Love Without Losing Yourself
At its core, symbiosis in relationships isn’t inherently good or bad. What truly matters is how well partners balance deep emotional connection with personal independence. Love should be a source of strength, not a force that erases your individuality. The most fulfilling relationships allow both persons to grow, evolve and support each other without becoming emotionally fused.
Dr. Carl Jung (psychoanalyst)“Individuation is the foundation of a strong relationship. The more secure you are in yourself, the healthier your love will be.”
If you find yourself feeling lost in your relationship, know that change is possible. Through self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries and perhaps seeking guidance from a good therapist, you can rebuild a connection that nurtures both intimacy and individuality. True love is not about losing yourself in another person, but about sharing your life with someone while remaining whole as an individual.
Dr. Brené Brown (researcher on vulnerability & connection)“True love is not about merging into one, but about standing strong together while remaining whole as individuals.”
If you want to take the next step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist or relationship coach today. Your relationship should uplift you, not diminish you. You deserve a love that allows you to be fully yourself.
